Boy, I wish I could say that the reason I've been absent is because I've been so busy. But that would be a lie, well, sort of.
This weekend, I really was busy. I actually went to a party on Friday and had a few drinks. Granted, it was a candle party, so no hanging from the chandeliers, but hey. I'm trying to work myself back into society slowly. No need to blow my wad on the first party that comes along. It was enough fun for one weekend, though. Especially considering what I spent the rest of the weekend doing.
About a month or so ago, my CD/DVD drive disappeared on me. I have no idea why it left or where it went. (Electronics tend not to leave you goodbye notes when they're about to screw you.) Anyway, since I'm an English geek, not a techno geek, I was pretty lost how to fix it. A friend of mine was going to come over to help me this weekend, but I decided to spend Saturday trying to fix it myself. Long story short, I fixed it. (Yeah, I still don't really know how I did that.)
So, while I'm celebrating and patting myself on the back, I make the decision to change the music on my mp3 player. I've done this several times, never had an issue. Well, Saturday was my lucky day. Somehow, I completely wiped my music library out. I tried to restore the files, but no joy. Crap! My only alternative was to spend the day reloading my music. And that's what I did. Until 4 am. It was so much fun. Made me want to go to the dentist and then have a pelvic exam just to keep the party going.
I'm pretty sure I know what I did to f*** up the Media Player. The only excuse have for having done it is that I'm a giant dumb ass. Yup. That's me.
Anyway, the rest of the week wasn't busy, but I didn't really want to do anything after work. I don't do any heavy lifting at work. I don't spend a large quantity of time outside at work. I don't even have to over tax my brain at work. But it seems like the only thing I want to do when I come home is check my email, watch an hour or two of T.V., and then head to bed with a book in my hand. Why the heck I'm so tired? Oh yeah, because I hate my job. That makes it extra stressful to be there. The stress is what makes me tired, not the job. *sigh*
At any rate, I'm here today, but I have to go now, because not only have I been neglecting my writing, but my laundry and my dishes, as well. I'll save the dusting and vacuuming for next weekend. I'll get to the bathroom, eventually. (Hopefully before anything unkillable starts to grow.)
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Resolution 2
A conversation with my supervisor.
Sup: You've been doing really well on your stats, but your attendance has taken a turn over the last month. Why were you absent.
Me: I was sick on Monday. Last Monday, and a couple of weeks ago, I had to leave because of panic attacks.
Sup: What caused your panic attacks?
Me: I was placed on commercial calls.
Sup: Mishell, you can't leave because you were placed on commercial calls.
Me: I understand, and I try and stay here and take the calls. But when you spend 2 hours crying and having a hard time breathing, it's time to go.
Sup: What can we do to stop these attacks?
(left unspoken: Stop forcing me to do the one thing I said causes the panic attacks.)
Me: Nothing. I told you when you forced me on the Flex Team what happened to me when I took commercial calls full time. I also told you that the only reason I had stayed with the company over the last year and a half was because I had been transferred into a position that didn't take commercial calls. I've been fine since then.
Sup: What is it about commercial calls that causes this reaction that is different from work comp calls.
Me: I can't tell you everything that causes it, but 1. I can actually do something to help the callers on work comp, most of the time. 2. In worker's comp, I'm not called a f***ing whore, or something equally offensive, on a daily basis by a caller.
Sup: Mishell, not every caller calls you names.
Me: True, but enough do that it makes it very difficult to press that button to come out of after call and take the next call.
Sup: Maybe you're not cut out for this job.
Me: I know I'm not cut out for this job.
(left unsaid: That's why I'm looking for a new job. That's why I told you when I was put on the team that I was looking for a new job. You then said, "How do you know the new job will be better?" I said, "I don't.")
Sup: You leaving when you take commercial calls constitutes call avoidance. If you do it again, I'll have to give you a final warning.
Me: That's fine. You have to do what you have to do. I have to do what I have to do.
How, oh how did I end up in a job so far away from my education and career goals? I took the job out of necessity while I was working on my masters degree. It's now over two years later, and I can't get away from it.
My experience is by far not out of the ordinary. How many of us are doing jobs that are below our capabilities, or out of our interest zones, or just plain horrible just so we can pay our rent and keep the lights on? Is this really it? I mean, I was told when I was a kid that I could do anything I wanted to. I could follow a dream. But now, I'm starting to think that may have been a bunch of hooey for most of us. I know that some people actually get to do what they love, but I don't think that's the majority of us. Especially looking at today's economy and the number of people who are out of work. (Believe me, I am happy to at least have a job, right now. But I'm starting to wonder if it wouldn't be better to just sell everything I own and move down by the river.)
As is probably evident, I'm having a hard time finding a new job. I keep applying, and I keep hearing "No, thank you." (That's if they bother to reply at all.) Finding a career has always been difficult, but today, it's becoming nearly impossible. Most of the interesting prospects require experience in the position. That makes it tough for people who are trying to change career paths. (The majority of my experience is medical related.)
So, tell me. How is a person supposed to get experience in a job, when no one will hire him/her without experience?
Sup: You've been doing really well on your stats, but your attendance has taken a turn over the last month. Why were you absent.
Me: I was sick on Monday. Last Monday, and a couple of weeks ago, I had to leave because of panic attacks.
Sup: What caused your panic attacks?
Me: I was placed on commercial calls.
Sup: Mishell, you can't leave because you were placed on commercial calls.
Me: I understand, and I try and stay here and take the calls. But when you spend 2 hours crying and having a hard time breathing, it's time to go.
Sup: What can we do to stop these attacks?
(left unspoken: Stop forcing me to do the one thing I said causes the panic attacks.)
Me: Nothing. I told you when you forced me on the Flex Team what happened to me when I took commercial calls full time. I also told you that the only reason I had stayed with the company over the last year and a half was because I had been transferred into a position that didn't take commercial calls. I've been fine since then.
Sup: What is it about commercial calls that causes this reaction that is different from work comp calls.
Me: I can't tell you everything that causes it, but 1. I can actually do something to help the callers on work comp, most of the time. 2. In worker's comp, I'm not called a f***ing whore, or something equally offensive, on a daily basis by a caller.
Sup: Mishell, not every caller calls you names.
Me: True, but enough do that it makes it very difficult to press that button to come out of after call and take the next call.
Sup: Maybe you're not cut out for this job.
Me: I know I'm not cut out for this job.
(left unsaid: That's why I'm looking for a new job. That's why I told you when I was put on the team that I was looking for a new job. You then said, "How do you know the new job will be better?" I said, "I don't.")
Sup: You leaving when you take commercial calls constitutes call avoidance. If you do it again, I'll have to give you a final warning.
Me: That's fine. You have to do what you have to do. I have to do what I have to do.
How, oh how did I end up in a job so far away from my education and career goals? I took the job out of necessity while I was working on my masters degree. It's now over two years later, and I can't get away from it.
My experience is by far not out of the ordinary. How many of us are doing jobs that are below our capabilities, or out of our interest zones, or just plain horrible just so we can pay our rent and keep the lights on? Is this really it? I mean, I was told when I was a kid that I could do anything I wanted to. I could follow a dream. But now, I'm starting to think that may have been a bunch of hooey for most of us. I know that some people actually get to do what they love, but I don't think that's the majority of us. Especially looking at today's economy and the number of people who are out of work. (Believe me, I am happy to at least have a job, right now. But I'm starting to wonder if it wouldn't be better to just sell everything I own and move down by the river.)
As is probably evident, I'm having a hard time finding a new job. I keep applying, and I keep hearing "No, thank you." (That's if they bother to reply at all.) Finding a career has always been difficult, but today, it's becoming nearly impossible. Most of the interesting prospects require experience in the position. That makes it tough for people who are trying to change career paths. (The majority of my experience is medical related.)
So, tell me. How is a person supposed to get experience in a job, when no one will hire him/her without experience?
Friday, January 8, 2010
Resolution 2
The thing I hate most about looking for a new job is the constant rejection. If you throw on top of that that you're trying to find a job in a completely different career field than all of your experience is in, it doubles your rejection chances. If you're also a little unsure of which career path you want to follow, well, that pretty much causes the rejection rate to skyrocket. All this rejection, really makes a girl feel unwanted.
For most of my adult life, I've worked in the medical career field. The majority of that was as a pharmacy technician, but I've also been a hospital receptionist, a medical biller, and currently I work in a call center for a very large pharmacy benefits management company. My degrees are in English and creative writing. As I've mentioned earlier, I've been looking for jobs in the teaching or publishing fields. I've even applied for various technical writing positions. The problem I keep bumping up against is that I don't have enough experience in these fields to make me a viable candidate for these positions, or I lack the certificates or continued education. What's a girl to do?
I already have a mountain of student loan debt. Should I accumulate more debt and go back to school for my PhD, so I can teach at universities? Or would that new debt be put to better use attending a publishing institute? I just don't know.
While I was driving to work one day, I contemplated my career/education options. I'm trying to force myself to action by worrying constantly about them. (So far, it's not working, but I am developing quite a large ulcer. It's a start.) Anyway, on one of my morning drives this week, my mind found a new idea to gnaw into submission. Why am I not following my dream to become a movie critic? I've been considering this path for years. I love movies. I love writing. I have pretty decent analytical skills. Movie critic is a logical career choice.
The problem I've always bumped into with becoming a movie critic is that it's almost impossible to break into the field. In order to get noticed, you have to establish yourself, and that takes money. (You don't start off getting paid to go to the movies, and I don't exactly have a disposable income at the moment.) Then I realized that maybe I don't have to visit the movie theatre a lot to start off. In this economy, a lot of people can't afford to go to the theater either, but they can afford to rent movies. What if I wrote a blog about movie rentals? What if in this blog, I reviewed not only movies fresh out on DVD, but movies that have been out for years, or decades, too?
I know that after a movie comes out on DVD there have already been tons of reviews written about them, but these are based on seeing them on a giant screen after having paid upwards of $20 for the experience. People tend to be a little pickier when they're trying to have an "experience" than when they're spending an evening at home. Movies that aren't worth your time and money to see in the theater are viable entertainment options in your living room. Also, there are thousands of movies that came out too long ago for their original reviews to be relevant in today's society. By revisiting them and re-reviewing them, new generations could be introduced to some truly great classic cinema.
I don't know, it's just an idea, but it's the first idea I've had in a long time that really excites me. I'll think about it a little longer, but don't be surprised if you find a new blog by me that talks about what's good to rent, and what's not. Hmmm.
For most of my adult life, I've worked in the medical career field. The majority of that was as a pharmacy technician, but I've also been a hospital receptionist, a medical biller, and currently I work in a call center for a very large pharmacy benefits management company. My degrees are in English and creative writing. As I've mentioned earlier, I've been looking for jobs in the teaching or publishing fields. I've even applied for various technical writing positions. The problem I keep bumping up against is that I don't have enough experience in these fields to make me a viable candidate for these positions, or I lack the certificates or continued education. What's a girl to do?
I already have a mountain of student loan debt. Should I accumulate more debt and go back to school for my PhD, so I can teach at universities? Or would that new debt be put to better use attending a publishing institute? I just don't know.
While I was driving to work one day, I contemplated my career/education options. I'm trying to force myself to action by worrying constantly about them. (So far, it's not working, but I am developing quite a large ulcer. It's a start.) Anyway, on one of my morning drives this week, my mind found a new idea to gnaw into submission. Why am I not following my dream to become a movie critic? I've been considering this path for years. I love movies. I love writing. I have pretty decent analytical skills. Movie critic is a logical career choice.
The problem I've always bumped into with becoming a movie critic is that it's almost impossible to break into the field. In order to get noticed, you have to establish yourself, and that takes money. (You don't start off getting paid to go to the movies, and I don't exactly have a disposable income at the moment.) Then I realized that maybe I don't have to visit the movie theatre a lot to start off. In this economy, a lot of people can't afford to go to the theater either, but they can afford to rent movies. What if I wrote a blog about movie rentals? What if in this blog, I reviewed not only movies fresh out on DVD, but movies that have been out for years, or decades, too?
I know that after a movie comes out on DVD there have already been tons of reviews written about them, but these are based on seeing them on a giant screen after having paid upwards of $20 for the experience. People tend to be a little pickier when they're trying to have an "experience" than when they're spending an evening at home. Movies that aren't worth your time and money to see in the theater are viable entertainment options in your living room. Also, there are thousands of movies that came out too long ago for their original reviews to be relevant in today's society. By revisiting them and re-reviewing them, new generations could be introduced to some truly great classic cinema.
I don't know, it's just an idea, but it's the first idea I've had in a long time that really excites me. I'll think about it a little longer, but don't be surprised if you find a new blog by me that talks about what's good to rent, and what's not. Hmmm.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Resolution 1
I took a different route home from work today, down 4th street. Now, I drive down 4th street fairly frequently, so it came as quite the shock that the rather large Bingo Palace had disappeared from the corner. Not just the building was gone, but the parking lot next to it, and 1 or 2 smaller buildings, as well. Double take, spit shot! What the hell happened to the block? How could I not notice an entire block had been demolished the last time I drove down that street? (Which wasn't that long ago, by the way.) Wow! It's a good thing I've honed my observational skills to a keen edge to further my craft. (It's also a good thing I'm not a cop.)
I started thinking that maybe the sabbatical I took from writing over the last year did more than make it hard for me to find the words I want. I think it also put blinders on me and hog tied my left foot to my right ankle. (I've been tripping a lot lately.) I'm now curious how I let my creative self get flushed down the proverbial toilet.
After my niece died in 2008, I gave up on anything that made me happy. I know this. I know that I started eating more, exercising less, ignoring friends and family, staring at blank pages more often, and a whole bunch of other stuff that deals mostly with the cleanliness of my apartment. (Don't ask.) I was in a pretty bad place. She was my girl. Though I'm still trying to deal with this loss on a daily basis, I don't think her death is what threw me down the hole.
The more I analyze what happened over the last year, the more I realize that the reason I couldn't bring myself to write is because I had let myself get comfortable in a job that wasn't satisfying. My job has absolutely no intellectual stimulation, but an awful lot of frustration, and I let myself get comfortable just collecting a paycheck. I think that by not searching myself to find out what I wanted from my life, my education, my...whatever, I let myself atrophy. I let my brain take a vacation, and it decided to move to Boca and drink Mai Tais forever. Well, I think I need to close the bar. I need my brain. Well, okay, not for anything really important (at least not at my job), but it would be nice to have it around for the crossword puzzles.
So how do I get my brain back? Ta da! By writing! Which I'm doing. In very short, sentences fraught with poor grammar. (Aha! I'm off to a good start. I can recognize poor grammar.) Step 2 will be to get away from my current job. It's killing me, literally. I've developed an anxiety disorder from the stress, and I'm pretty sure there's some kind of tumor growing on my ass from sitting in front of a computer and working with morons all fricking day! (Breathe) Okay, move on.
It's time to make a plan. I took the first step with this blog. I know the second step is to get a new job, and I'm applying all over the country, but I think a new job will only help if I can determine what it is I really want to do. So, while I'm looking for a less soul-sucking career, I'm also going to be evaluating my goals. Especially since I haven't done that since before I got my masters degree, and well, I achieved those goals. I need some new ones.
Wish me luck!
I started thinking that maybe the sabbatical I took from writing over the last year did more than make it hard for me to find the words I want. I think it also put blinders on me and hog tied my left foot to my right ankle. (I've been tripping a lot lately.) I'm now curious how I let my creative self get flushed down the proverbial toilet.
After my niece died in 2008, I gave up on anything that made me happy. I know this. I know that I started eating more, exercising less, ignoring friends and family, staring at blank pages more often, and a whole bunch of other stuff that deals mostly with the cleanliness of my apartment. (Don't ask.) I was in a pretty bad place. She was my girl. Though I'm still trying to deal with this loss on a daily basis, I don't think her death is what threw me down the hole.
The more I analyze what happened over the last year, the more I realize that the reason I couldn't bring myself to write is because I had let myself get comfortable in a job that wasn't satisfying. My job has absolutely no intellectual stimulation, but an awful lot of frustration, and I let myself get comfortable just collecting a paycheck. I think that by not searching myself to find out what I wanted from my life, my education, my...whatever, I let myself atrophy. I let my brain take a vacation, and it decided to move to Boca and drink Mai Tais forever. Well, I think I need to close the bar. I need my brain. Well, okay, not for anything really important (at least not at my job), but it would be nice to have it around for the crossword puzzles.
So how do I get my brain back? Ta da! By writing! Which I'm doing. In very short, sentences fraught with poor grammar. (Aha! I'm off to a good start. I can recognize poor grammar.) Step 2 will be to get away from my current job. It's killing me, literally. I've developed an anxiety disorder from the stress, and I'm pretty sure there's some kind of tumor growing on my ass from sitting in front of a computer and working with morons all fricking day! (Breathe) Okay, move on.
It's time to make a plan. I took the first step with this blog. I know the second step is to get a new job, and I'm applying all over the country, but I think a new job will only help if I can determine what it is I really want to do. So, while I'm looking for a less soul-sucking career, I'm also going to be evaluating my goals. Especially since I haven't done that since before I got my masters degree, and well, I achieved those goals. I need some new ones.
Wish me luck!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Resolution 6
Well, I had hoped that this year was going to be better than last, but it doesn't look like it. Saturday morning, I got an envelope shoved under my door by the apartment management team. They're raising my rent, again. It's only $15, but that's not the point. This is the third time in a year they've raised my rent. I've been on a month to month lease for the last year, and in the state of Colorado, renters don't seem to have a lot of rights in this type of situation. So, it looks like I'm pretty screwed. I need to find a cheaper apartment, but I'd still have to come up with the money for moving and deposit and all that garbage. Crap!
At any rate, this apartment situation I'm in, on top of everything else, is making it pretty tough to put a positive spin on things. Now I'm beginning to rethink the idea that I want to become a better person. What I really want is to become an avenging angel and napalm all money-grubbing landlords, moronic supervisors, corporations who are no longer sympathetic to the needs of their employees, and I could go on, but you get the picture.
Thank god I've still got friends who are able to take me away from the vulgarities of real life and introduce me to the most excellent make believe worlds. On Saturday night, I spent the evening watching episodes of "Supernatural" with a friend of mine. Even though I had never seen the show before, I found it impossible to not thoroughly enjoy watching random episodes from seasons 3 and 4. My most wonderful friend let me borrow her season 1 DVDs, and now I'm hopelessly hooked. I can guarantee I will be borrowing seasons 2 through 4 from her in the very near future.
I work early in the morning, and I like to read before I fall asleep, so I'm usually in bed before evening TV starts. Because of this, I rarely get introduced to new shows. I don't really miss much where most shows are concerned, but I can definitely say that I've missed some gems. I think "Supernatural" is one of them. One day I'll talk more about my television habits, but today is not that day. Lets just say that the older I've gotten, the pickier I've become.
At any rate, thank you my dear Ali. Without you and your excellent taste in TV, the anger would have festered and my visions of destruction would have grown more and more wild, probably concluding with me exploding. Since I'm a bit of a big girl, that would have been one hell of a mess.
At any rate, this apartment situation I'm in, on top of everything else, is making it pretty tough to put a positive spin on things. Now I'm beginning to rethink the idea that I want to become a better person. What I really want is to become an avenging angel and napalm all money-grubbing landlords, moronic supervisors, corporations who are no longer sympathetic to the needs of their employees, and I could go on, but you get the picture.
Thank god I've still got friends who are able to take me away from the vulgarities of real life and introduce me to the most excellent make believe worlds. On Saturday night, I spent the evening watching episodes of "Supernatural" with a friend of mine. Even though I had never seen the show before, I found it impossible to not thoroughly enjoy watching random episodes from seasons 3 and 4. My most wonderful friend let me borrow her season 1 DVDs, and now I'm hopelessly hooked. I can guarantee I will be borrowing seasons 2 through 4 from her in the very near future.
I work early in the morning, and I like to read before I fall asleep, so I'm usually in bed before evening TV starts. Because of this, I rarely get introduced to new shows. I don't really miss much where most shows are concerned, but I can definitely say that I've missed some gems. I think "Supernatural" is one of them. One day I'll talk more about my television habits, but today is not that day. Lets just say that the older I've gotten, the pickier I've become.
At any rate, thank you my dear Ali. Without you and your excellent taste in TV, the anger would have festered and my visions of destruction would have grown more and more wild, probably concluding with me exploding. Since I'm a bit of a big girl, that would have been one hell of a mess.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Resolution 2
I've just spent all morning searching job finding sites for a new job. The trouble with searching job finding sites is that you have to have an idea what kind of job you're looking for in order to be successful at finding it. This is not me. I have a masters in English, but I'm not really sure I know what I want to do with it. I got the degree because I love studying literature and the mechanics of the English language. I never really thought about how I would apply this love to a career. (Silly me.)
I've done a little teaching on the college level. It was a lot of fun, but to teach what and how I want to teach, I'd have to get my PhD. I don't know if I'm ready to get back into school again. (I just spent 6 of the past 7 years in college. I'm tired. Oh yeah, and I'm already in debt up to my pert, little nose.) However, I have been missing the intellectual stimulation. My current job will never provide what I need in the brain department. Then again, this job does provide plenty of frustration, stress, and eye strain. So I guess it's a trade off.
I've also thought about getting into university administration. That is, I would love to help people get into college and stay until they complete their degrees. I guess you might call it recruitment and retention. I've been applying for every non-teaching job that comes along at the local university. I figure if I could get my foot in the door, get some experience, I could work my way to where I want to be. No joy. I can't even get an interview. I don't know if it's my resume, which consists mostly of medical positions, that's messing things up, or if it's my cover letter. I try to tailor each for the position I'm applying for, but I only have so much to work with.
The other career path I've been contemplating is publishing. I think I'd make a great copy editor or editor or talent finder or something of that nature. But how do you find those kind of jobs? Over the last 5 years, I've searched for these types of jobs online, but I've never found them. I'm sure they're out there, but I have no idea how to look for them. Which brings me to my next obstacle. I have no idea how to find the professional jobs I want.
For my undergraduate degree, I took a class called Careers for English Majors. This was a pretty good class. It taught me how write a resume, and it showed me some jobs I could apply my degree towards. However, it never gave me any clue how to actually search for a job. I know this sounds lame, but it's really not. Let me explain.
I'm coming to this college graduate thing a little late in life. It took me 18 years, 3 universities, and 4 majors to complete my bachelors degree. In between my stints in college, I tried out several careers: U.S. Air Force, pharmacy technician, sales, receptionist, video clerk, waitress, call center customer service, and a few other things too boring and menial to mention. What I'm trying to get at with all this is that when it comes to job searches, I know how to beat feet and fill out applications. This is what I've spent most of my life doing. Unfortunately, this type of job search doesn't produce the caliber of job, nor the salary, I'm looking for.
So, my goal in this job search thing is to figure out two things. 1. What would I be good at and enjoy doing on a daily basis? 2. How do I find that job? Any suggestions?
I've done a little teaching on the college level. It was a lot of fun, but to teach what and how I want to teach, I'd have to get my PhD. I don't know if I'm ready to get back into school again. (I just spent 6 of the past 7 years in college. I'm tired. Oh yeah, and I'm already in debt up to my pert, little nose.) However, I have been missing the intellectual stimulation. My current job will never provide what I need in the brain department. Then again, this job does provide plenty of frustration, stress, and eye strain. So I guess it's a trade off.
I've also thought about getting into university administration. That is, I would love to help people get into college and stay until they complete their degrees. I guess you might call it recruitment and retention. I've been applying for every non-teaching job that comes along at the local university. I figure if I could get my foot in the door, get some experience, I could work my way to where I want to be. No joy. I can't even get an interview. I don't know if it's my resume, which consists mostly of medical positions, that's messing things up, or if it's my cover letter. I try to tailor each for the position I'm applying for, but I only have so much to work with.
The other career path I've been contemplating is publishing. I think I'd make a great copy editor or editor or talent finder or something of that nature. But how do you find those kind of jobs? Over the last 5 years, I've searched for these types of jobs online, but I've never found them. I'm sure they're out there, but I have no idea how to look for them. Which brings me to my next obstacle. I have no idea how to find the professional jobs I want.
For my undergraduate degree, I took a class called Careers for English Majors. This was a pretty good class. It taught me how write a resume, and it showed me some jobs I could apply my degree towards. However, it never gave me any clue how to actually search for a job. I know this sounds lame, but it's really not. Let me explain.
I'm coming to this college graduate thing a little late in life. It took me 18 years, 3 universities, and 4 majors to complete my bachelors degree. In between my stints in college, I tried out several careers: U.S. Air Force, pharmacy technician, sales, receptionist, video clerk, waitress, call center customer service, and a few other things too boring and menial to mention. What I'm trying to get at with all this is that when it comes to job searches, I know how to beat feet and fill out applications. This is what I've spent most of my life doing. Unfortunately, this type of job search doesn't produce the caliber of job, nor the salary, I'm looking for.
So, my goal in this job search thing is to figure out two things. 1. What would I be good at and enjoy doing on a daily basis? 2. How do I find that job? Any suggestions?
Friday, January 1, 2010
Resolution 5
Well, it's time for me to start my resolution to write more. So, let me start by saying, "Happy New Year!" Okay, that's done. Moving on.
I went out last night for only the second time since my birthday in October. Sad, I know, but over the last couple of years, I've found that it's just easier to stay home than to try to figure out where to go. I've also found that I'd rather watch "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" than put on makeup and go somewhere I can't hear myself think, let alone hear anyone else talk. Now, I know it's pretty normal to not want to spend all my time clubbing, but this desire to not bother with the hassle of clubbing has leached into other aspects of my public life.
I used to love to go to movies with friends, hang out at festivals, visit museums, shop, and a host of other activities that would bring me out of isolation. But now, I'd rather knit, crochet, read, or anything else I can stay at home to do. Besides, it's so much easier to just get my social interaction online. I can do it in my pajamas. (I love my pajamas. If I could go to work in them, I would. You know, if I could go clubbing in them, I might spend more time clubbing.) Furthermore, if I decide I don't want to talk to you, I can just log off. I don't have to worry about making excuses or trying to avoid you for the rest of the evening.
Anyway, last night I decided to actually leave the safety of my recliner and hang out at a bar owned by a friend of mine and celebrate New Years and my cubicle-mate Angie's birthday. I had a great time. Danced all night. Did a little singing. Met some new people. In general, social fun was had.
I'm not much of a drinker, anymore, so I escaped the usual New Year's Day hangover, but my knees are killing me! (Ha ha. Yeah, I know. It's so not what you're thinking.) I've decided it's from all the dancing. Which is really depressing, because the last time I went dancing, I didn't have this problem. What the heck has changed since then?
So here I am, knees throbbing, falling into my first stupor of the year, because not only have my joints started falling apart, but I started thinking back to the last time I went dancing, and I can honestly say that I don't remember when that was. I know it's not my memory that's failing me. If I had done any all night dancing recently, like within the last year or two, I would most certainly have remembered it. That leads me to believe that it's been at least two years, but probably longer. I used to love dancing, and it didn't matter what kind. I used to waltz, jitterbug, country swing, and I also did my fair share of bootie shaking to club mixes! So, again I say, what the heck has changed since then?
The only answers I can come up with are my age and my weight. At 39, I don't consider myself old, but I am at that age where the abuse I put my joints through as a child (gymnastics, cheerleading, basketball, softball, ballet, and a lot of jumping down from storage sheds and trees) is starting to take its toll. Add to that the extra poundage I carry around with me, and no wonder I had to ice my knees this morning.
So, how does this story fit in with my resolution to spend less time alone? Well, I think it shows that changing your life can be very, very painful. No. I'm just kidding. Sort of. Changing your life is painful, but I didn't use the story to illustrate this little lesson. In fact, when I started writing this post, the idea wasn't even floating around in the back of my brain. When I write, I kind of just let it go where it goes. Sometimes I end up at the destination I planned, and sometimes I end up off the map. In this case, I ended up learning a little bit about myself.
Well, it's time to get back to the Special Victims marathon, the afghan I'm crocheting, and the scarf I'm knitting. Or maybe I'll pick up the Christopher Moore book I just bought. (Ah well, I guess I didn't learn as much as I thought.)
I went out last night for only the second time since my birthday in October. Sad, I know, but over the last couple of years, I've found that it's just easier to stay home than to try to figure out where to go. I've also found that I'd rather watch "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" than put on makeup and go somewhere I can't hear myself think, let alone hear anyone else talk. Now, I know it's pretty normal to not want to spend all my time clubbing, but this desire to not bother with the hassle of clubbing has leached into other aspects of my public life.
I used to love to go to movies with friends, hang out at festivals, visit museums, shop, and a host of other activities that would bring me out of isolation. But now, I'd rather knit, crochet, read, or anything else I can stay at home to do. Besides, it's so much easier to just get my social interaction online. I can do it in my pajamas. (I love my pajamas. If I could go to work in them, I would. You know, if I could go clubbing in them, I might spend more time clubbing.) Furthermore, if I decide I don't want to talk to you, I can just log off. I don't have to worry about making excuses or trying to avoid you for the rest of the evening.
Anyway, last night I decided to actually leave the safety of my recliner and hang out at a bar owned by a friend of mine and celebrate New Years and my cubicle-mate Angie's birthday. I had a great time. Danced all night. Did a little singing. Met some new people. In general, social fun was had.
I'm not much of a drinker, anymore, so I escaped the usual New Year's Day hangover, but my knees are killing me! (Ha ha. Yeah, I know. It's so not what you're thinking.) I've decided it's from all the dancing. Which is really depressing, because the last time I went dancing, I didn't have this problem. What the heck has changed since then?
So here I am, knees throbbing, falling into my first stupor of the year, because not only have my joints started falling apart, but I started thinking back to the last time I went dancing, and I can honestly say that I don't remember when that was. I know it's not my memory that's failing me. If I had done any all night dancing recently, like within the last year or two, I would most certainly have remembered it. That leads me to believe that it's been at least two years, but probably longer. I used to love dancing, and it didn't matter what kind. I used to waltz, jitterbug, country swing, and I also did my fair share of bootie shaking to club mixes! So, again I say, what the heck has changed since then?
The only answers I can come up with are my age and my weight. At 39, I don't consider myself old, but I am at that age where the abuse I put my joints through as a child (gymnastics, cheerleading, basketball, softball, ballet, and a lot of jumping down from storage sheds and trees) is starting to take its toll. Add to that the extra poundage I carry around with me, and no wonder I had to ice my knees this morning.
So, how does this story fit in with my resolution to spend less time alone? Well, I think it shows that changing your life can be very, very painful. No. I'm just kidding. Sort of. Changing your life is painful, but I didn't use the story to illustrate this little lesson. In fact, when I started writing this post, the idea wasn't even floating around in the back of my brain. When I write, I kind of just let it go where it goes. Sometimes I end up at the destination I planned, and sometimes I end up off the map. In this case, I ended up learning a little bit about myself.
Well, it's time to get back to the Special Victims marathon, the afghan I'm crocheting, and the scarf I'm knitting. Or maybe I'll pick up the Christopher Moore book I just bought. (Ah well, I guess I didn't learn as much as I thought.)
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