Resolution 2

A conversation with my supervisor.

Sup: You've been doing really well on your stats, but your attendance has taken a turn over the last month. Why were you absent.

Me: I was sick on Monday. Last Monday, and a couple of weeks ago, I had to leave because of panic attacks.

Sup: What caused your panic attacks?

Me: I was placed on commercial calls.

Sup: Mishell, you can't leave because you were placed on commercial calls.

Me: I understand, and I try and stay here and take the calls. But when you spend 2 hours crying and having a hard time breathing, it's time to go.

Sup: What can we do to stop these attacks?

(left unspoken: Stop forcing me to do the one thing I said causes the panic attacks.)

Me: Nothing. I told you when you forced me on the Flex Team what happened to me when I took commercial calls full time. I also told you that the only reason I had stayed with the company over the last year and a half was because I had been transferred into a position that didn't take commercial calls. I've been fine since then.

Sup: What is it about commercial calls that causes this reaction that is different from work comp calls.

Me: I can't tell you everything that causes it, but 1. I can actually do something to help the callers on work comp, most of the time. 2. In worker's comp, I'm not called a f***ing whore, or something equally offensive, on a daily basis by a caller.

Sup: Mishell, not every caller calls you names.

Me: True, but enough do that it makes it very difficult to press that button to come out of after call and take the next call.

Sup: Maybe you're not cut out for this job.

Me: I know I'm not cut out for this job.

(left unsaid: That's why I'm looking for a new job. That's why I told you when I was put on the team that I was looking for a new job. You then said, "How do you know the new job will be better?" I said, "I don't.")

Sup: You leaving when you take commercial calls constitutes call avoidance. If you do it again, I'll have to give you a final warning.

Me: That's fine. You have to do what you have to do. I have to do what I have to do.


How, oh how did I end up in a job so far away from my education and career goals? I took the job out of necessity while I was working on my masters degree. It's now over two years later, and I can't get away from it.

My experience is by far not out of the ordinary. How many of us are doing jobs that are below our capabilities, or out of our interest zones, or just plain horrible just so we can pay our rent and keep the lights on? Is this really it? I mean, I was told when I was a kid that I could do anything I wanted to. I could follow a dream. But now, I'm starting to think that may have been a bunch of hooey for most of us. I know that some people actually get to do what they love, but I don't think that's the majority of us. Especially looking at today's economy and the number of people who are out of work. (Believe me, I am happy to at least have a job, right now. But I'm starting to wonder if it wouldn't be better to just sell everything I own and move down by the river.)

As is probably evident, I'm having a hard time finding a new job. I keep applying, and I keep hearing "No, thank you." (That's if they bother to reply at all.) Finding a career has always been difficult, but today, it's becoming nearly impossible. Most of the interesting prospects require experience in the position. That makes it tough for people who are trying to change career paths. (The majority of my experience is medical related.)

So, tell me. How is a person supposed to get experience in a job, when no one will hire him/her without experience?